If there’s ever a situation when parents need to set clear expectations and guidelines, it’s parties for young teens! A popular teen center offers strategies for safe and happy parties at your own home.

 

by Shannon Philpott

Some of my fondest memories from my teenage years were created at a popular teen party spot. I clearly remember dancing underneath a disco ball to Aerosmith’s “Angel” while awkwardly trying to stay at arm’s length from my dance partner. Later, while munching on Tombstone pizzas, my friends and I would giggle about the cute boys hanging out in the corner.

When I was a teenager, Tepee was the place to be every Friday night. A youth haven for 7th and 8th graders in Collinsville, Illinois, the youth center is still going strong—home to 13- and 14-year olds each weekend.

“It gives them somewhere to go and interact with friends and is so much better than having them attend a movie unsupervised, or worse, stand on the streets to socialize,” said Barb Hasamear, a long-time volunteer of the youth center that opened in 1951.

According to Hasamear, Tepee is still a successful venue for teenagers because of the expectations set and the enforcement of the rules that are clearly expressed to each and every teenager who attends.

At the beginning of the school year, notes are sent home to each teenager and parent outlining the rules—no fighting, no profanity, no kissing, abiding by the local school district’s dress code, and more. If a teen breaks any of the rules, he or she is suspended from Tepee for a few weeks.

Rules and their enforcement are necessary to hosting teen parties at home, too, Hasamear said. “There’s peer pressure and your child doesn’t always want you to enforce rules, but you have to go by what you think is right and stick by it.”

Cara Bonfiglio, mother of a 16-year old daughter, agrees. Bonfiglio has hosted several teen parties at her home in Belleville, Illinois, and has strict guidelines established before the parties are planned. “There are rules and expectations at our house—the kids know these,” she said.

 

 This modest brick building on Main Street in Collinsville, Illinois, has been the site of safe and happy parties for young teens since 1951.

Bonfiglio recommends that parents hosting teen parties consider the following guidelines:

• Crowd control. Setting a limit of 12 people at parties helps Bonfiglio and her husband manage the teens’ activities and interactions. “I wouldn’t just let her have 30 people over—it gets out of hand,” Bonfiglio said.

• Activity central. Whether the evening entails games, bonfires, food, or music, having structured activities not only keeps the teens engaged, it also diverts conflicts. “Without a plan, there would be arguments, kids talking on cell phones all night, or unsupervised surfing on the internet,” Bonfiglio said. Bonfiglio strives for a balance when planning the events with her daughter. “We don’t expect the activities to all go as planned, but you have to at least have a plan. Just hanging out doesn’t cut it for us,” Bonfiglio said.

• Subtle supervision. Parties are designed to encourage social interaction. Teenagers rarely want their parents hovering around when they are spending time with friends. However, supervision is necessary, Bonfiglio said. “We trust our daughter, but we are also realistic and know that without some supervision, things can happen.”

At Tepee, chaperones are stationed throughout the building, said Hasamear. “You have to watch them and provide a structured situation—we could not function without the volunteers who chaperone to enforce our rules.”

Finding a balance at home parties between hovering and supervising can be tricky, but subtle interruptions can also enhance the party. “Kids nowadays love getting their pictures taken,” Bonfiglio said. “So, I will pop in, check on them, and snap a few pictures—a subtle way to supervise.”

Although it takes time, talent and effort to pull off a successful teen party, it's worth all the effort for this challenging phase of parenting children. The benefits of providing safety, security, and structure will impact your child’s life for years to come.

My childhood was positively influenced by the safe environment and social outlet that Tepee provided, and my memories of teen parties still hold a special place in my heart. As my 11-year old daughter approaches the teen party scene and quite possibly my old hangout, Tepee, it is comforting to know that supervision and rules will be a priority.

 

Shannon Philpott is a writer/reporter with 10-plus years of experience, and a college journalism instructor. She maintains a blog about writing, reflecting, and teaching.