Advance planning and multi-tasking are key to dealing with the world-shattering differences a baby makes in your daily life. A new dad finds both challenges and delights in creating outings and activities that accomplish multiple goals.



by Brian Doolittle

When I first began to stay home with my 8-month-old baby girl, the challenges came fast and furious.

My primary goal was to really dive in and step up my efforts with regard to child care. My level of involvement had never been an issue, but following my lay off as a webmaster for local rock ‘n’ roll station, being home with our baby was an opportunity to help out even more—to raise my own level of confidence and self-worth and, most importantly, to immerse myself in the raising of a baby.

One essential truth surfaced as a way to balance my life: Parents need to plan outings and activities that accomplish multiple family goals.

Start by putting baby first

As anyone who is parenting children can attest, especially a parent who has stayed home with babies, it is necessary to make your own agenda secondary. This is hard, and its impact varies with each individual based on their personality and other responsibilities. For me, it was a great outlet to take my mind off losing my job, but adjusting was still difficult. Bye, bye happy hour!

But I found that re-defining my daily approach simply meant putting baby first. An unhappy baby makes for an unhappy home, kind of like that saying about “a happy wife equals a happy life” (a quote from legendary NBA head coach Larry Brown).

I played it safe for my first few weeks as a stay-at-home dad, saving most of my errands for after my wife would get home from work and for late at night. Once I got into a groove with my baby’s routines, I started to work more outings into the day.

Use stroller outings to get a great workout

Exercise is important and, to a degree, once a baby starts crawling all over the place it is hard to avoid. But for those who exercise as part of a routine, it can be a challenge to find ways to keep it up. My solution was to incorporate exercise into our pre-nap activities.

Now that my child is a toddler and running around, this is much easier. But during those baby days I’d look at the weather forecast and pick either the morning or afternoon, and plan on a very lengthy stroller pushing session. I found some great parks around St. Louis that have plenty of shaded areas, safe walking paths, and challenging hills. Ideally, my daughter’s nap would begin in the middle of this workout.

I remember the first couple of times that I strolled her to sleep. I kept thinking to myself, “Man, this is a workout.” Then, I realized it really was a workout, or could be if I approached it the right way. So I started wearing my tennis shoes (not flip flops) and packing a change of clothes (for sweating). About 10 minutes before her expected nap time, I’d stretch for five minutes and we’d set out on a stroll. Sticking to the bumpier paths helped her fall asleep.

I did not intend to push the stroller for the duration of her nap, as that would’ve been a bit much. A solid 40 minutes served as a workout, especially if I was working the hills and keeping up a fast pace. I usually would just end at the car, put my daughter in her car seat, change shirts, get organized, and head home, where she would end her nap in her crib.

Another great way to integrate your agenda is to catch up on phone calls during stroller naps. Multi-tasking is not always the safest activity, but can work under the right circumstances. I felt my family and friends were impressed when I had the baby all day yet still returned calls. It felt cool to say, “Oh, she is just sleeping, and I was just enjoying a really pleasant walk and listening to my iPod.”

Sometimes just collecting my thoughts during stroller walks is helpful, especially if the morning was a monumental struggle. Clearing the clutter from your mind does wonders for your outlook.

For rainy days, dancing is a great option. Now, I’m not one to dance in front of others, but at home I love to put on some great funky jam music. A few occasions when I was feeling too sedentary, I realized I could introduce my music to my daughter (not too loudly) and show her how happy it makes me by dancing around with her in my arms. Healthy, fun and interactive is always a “can’t-lose” scenario.

Modify your plans to make them baby-friendly

If exercise is not the goal but rather anything that will get baby to nap, then often a drive is the sole solution. If so, plan ahead and bring a book or magazine and catch up on your reading after baby has fallen asleep and you’ve parked while she naps. In St. Louis, for example, nearly every part of the city and county has parks with very safe, convenient parking areas.

One of the best decisions my wife and I made was being open to bringing our baby to events we normally would have done “pre-baby.” We couldn’t take her to the Black Crowes concert at the theater, but when they played a free show downtown near the Mississippi River, it was fine. We had a blast! We stayed in the back away from any crowds, and even at 4-months-old our baby could tell we really enjoyed the music.

In our city, there are free show and concerts at parks and outside locations almost every night in summer, and it is well worth your time to seek out these events.

Eat and shop together happily by making it fun

When I first tried planning lunch outings, I needed to be creative. Besides making it work, I wanted it to be fun. Struggling with a baby at a restaurant is not fun, but finding nice outdoor settings for picnics is fun. Plus, messes are not much of an issue when outside.

Usually, we meet my wife during her lunch hour and after eating, we play. It always means a lot for my wife to be involved in our day. This was especially true during the baby months. But even when it’s just the two of us, my approach is the same, though relaxation might have to wait until nap time. It’s always all about those naps!

My wife and I emphasize that eating is a family event. It helps bring continuity and bonding to a day. I’m sure this will become more challenging as my daughter gets older, but we’ll try our best.

To be prepared for meals I needed to handle the grocery shopping. I was apprehensive about shopping with our baby, until one afternoon I realized it was kind of cool to show off this incredibly cute little girl! It was about one in the afternoon, and out of the 50 or so people in the store, I felt as if I was the only dude. I definitely was the only dude with a baby, and all of these moms kept stopping to chat and look at the baby. I loved it!

However, since shopping was about actually getting stuff, not soaking up the spotlight, I stuck to my philosophy of making things fun, and would introduce a new squeaky toy, tiny book, or little gadget like a plastic key chain each time we’d go, right as we started to shop. There were occasions when I had to suddenly split (too much crying, icky diaper episodes), but usually I made it back to the car with the items on my list checked off.

Find ways toddlers can help with daily tasks

During the baby months, my girl loved being in motion. I would just carry her around like a football, in my left hand as to prevent any fumbles. As I picked up around the house like a running back, she could view and understand her surroundings.

As soon as my daughter began walking, just past 11 months, she developed increased awareness in my household activities. Rather than attempting to keep her from the dishwasher during unloading, I began to allow her to hand me the items to put away. It took much longer, but it kept her engaged and aware of what was going on “behind-the-scenes.”

Over time, this began to include filling the cat food bowl, handing me clothes while filling the washer, and general picking up. I’ve always rewarded “good pick-ups” with stickers or fruit. Despite those times when the cat food has spilled everywhere or when a good pick-up has actually gone awry upon discovering the contents of the trash can (“So that is where all your crayons are!”), good habits are forming.

Multi-tasking benefits baby and parents

 I’ve found that our outings not only accomplish goals for me, but provide socialization for my daughter. Too much time alone with me probably is not the best thing, so I mix our daily agenda up accordingly.

In the mornings when I piece together the day’s puzzle, I list what I need to do and then weave child-friendly activities into that plan. With a baby, there are inevitably some things you cannot do and you just have to accept that. You may not be able to get your hair cut, go to the gym, or safely hold a cup of coffee, but you can find compromises to these activities.

Not doing what one wants—or needs—to do will make anyone frustrated! But mindful planning combined with clever execution can solve this riddle.

 

Brian Doolittle is a writer in St. Louis, Missouri. He has covered the NBA for 14 years, and recently worked for a classic rock ‘n roll station for over four years. His radio show is on Sports Radio 1380 in St. Louis every Saturday. But writing about being a stay-at-home father is easily the most fulfilling work he has done.

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