A mom who gave it her all, but who was defeated by unusual physical challenges, shares her story. Her hard-earned advice can help any woman who plans to try to breastfeed for the first time to overcome unexpected pitfalls.

by Stephanie Gurley-Thomas

I had all these images in my head of how my baby and I would bond through the glorious miracle that is breastfeeding.

Shortly after birth, I would place her on my breast and she would instinctively know what to do. I would feel a slight tug on my nipple as she began receiving the wonderful nourishment that only I could give. I would gaze into her eyes and we would connect on a level that no one else would understand.

I might also mention that in my fantasy, symphonic music was playing, I was showered and lovely, and I had lost my pregnancy weight (and a few extra pounds, just for good measure). And there was a soft, pink halo of light around my oh-so-maternal being.

The reality?

After laboring for 20 hours, only to have a C-section (which went against everything I had hoped my “birth experience” would entail), I had much trouble breastfeeding. After Lucy was born, I was too weak to hold her for more than an hour. When I did, we immediately started a breastfeeding/pumping/formula combo that would continue for about a month. It was frustrating, exhausting and demoralizing. And, I might add, there was zero-point-zero of the Madonna and Child scenario I’d cooked up in my head.

The first try

In feeding my baby, I thought there were two choices: breastfeeding or formula feeding. Turns out, when you're making this key choice in parenting children, it isn’t so black and white.

I knew that I wanted to breastfeed, but knew I might have difficulty as I had had a breast reduction several years prior. I also have a Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which can make breastfeeding challenging to impossible.

Still, I really wanted to give it a shot. In the childcare class my husband and I took, it was made clear that “breast is best.” We were hit with all the statistics about breastfeeding creating a bond between mother and child, boosting your child’s immune system, and even giving your wee one a chance at a higher I.Q. And hey, breast milk is free. We were on board, for sure.

After having the baby, several nurses, several times, asked me if I was breast or bottle feeding. I said I planned to try to breastfeed, but I explained my situation and that I might have difficulty. Numerous times, I was told that there was no way I would be able to solely breastfeed and that supplementing with formula was my only option. Having been up for 36 hours, having had major surgery, and having welcomed a new being into the world, I was in no shape to argue. After all, these were professionals who saw new moms come and go every day. If they said I couldn’t, then I couldn’t.

We immediately started down the path of supplemental breastfeeding which involves a feeding tube device. A tube filled with formula runs down your breast to the nipple, so that when the baby suckles the nipple, not only does she get formula, but she also gets your milk (if you are producing). This also stimulates milk production. It’s awkward, at best.

On top of this, when I wasn’t breastfeeding, I was pumping, again to stimulate production. As any new mom will tell you, time is not on your side. Once you feed your baby, clean up and change diapers, it’s nearly time to start the cycle all over again. Adding in a pumping session to an already crowded schedule was difficult.

Exhaustion sets in

This routine continued once we got home: breastfeed/supplemental feed, pump, clean up, and start over. I was utterly exhausted. I was trying to keep up with the feedings and pumping sessions, but I was still producing little milk.

I was also feeling horrible and was ridiculously swollen, and a trip to the doctor confirmed that I was suffering from exhaustion and a possible reaction to a pain medication. My doctor told me I had to get eight hours of sleep that night. I started sobbing in her office; how was I supposed to breastfeed, pump, and still get sleep? My husband came to the rescue by saying he’d feed our daughter and to forget about breastfeeding/pumping because if I wasn’t healthy I was no good to our daughter.

So, I slept. Words cannot express what that night did to restore my mind, body and soul!

Around this same time, my nipples were cracked, bleeding and sore that a lactation specialist from the hospital suggested I give it a break for 24 hours: no breastfeeding, only pumping. Between the sleep ordered by my doctor and the break from breastfeeding, I stopped breastfeeding for 36 hours, which then turned to 48, then three days and so on.

It was so nice not having the pain I’d begun to associate with breastfeeding that I eventually cut it out entirely and began pumping only. My milk production was almost zero, and I knew that breastfeeding was my best chance at stimulating production, but I couldn’t get back into the swing of things. Even when I would attempt to put her to my breast, Lucy started rejecting my nipple, as she had gotten used to the bottle nipple.

Last-ditch effort

I was at a crossroads. Do I continue trying to pump, or do I give up and just do formula? There was still that part of me that felt terrible for not trying harder to make it work. So I found a local breastfeeding support group and called them for advice.

After I had explained all my problems, it was suggested to me that the only way I could increase my milk supply was to hunker down in bed for 72 hours and do nothing but concentrate on breastfeeding and pumping. When I wasn’t feeding Lucy, I was to pump every hour around the clock.

Just when I was thinking how impossible and exhausting this sounded, the advisor began telling me about the great rewards I would reap from having a baby that was healthier and happier than the bottle-fed babies, and who would benefit from my sacrifice for years to come. Boy, kick me when I’m down! I’d already told her that I had physical strikes against me, yet she tells me that if I can’t make it work, my baby won’t be as good as breastfed babies? Would quitting mean a perpetually runny nose, trips to the doctor and my wee one not graduating elementary school?

A short time later I talked to my sister-in-law, mother of two, who told me to stop the nonsense, quit trying to breastfeed, and stop feeling guilty for it. And I did.

If the clock could be turned back

All in all, I gave it a month. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have insisted on trying breastfeeding without supplementation. Then, if that didn’t work, I would have started formula feeding earlier, with less guilt. The weeks I spent feeling like a bad mother and feeling guilty for not trying harder were really hard on me emotionally, and I’m sure Lucy could sense my frustration.

My daughter, now a toddler, is wonderful. She slept through the night from six weeks on, and didn’t have her first fever until she was 17 months old. She’s been ridiculously healthy and happy. And of course, she’s the smartest little girl in the world.

I don’t regret that I quit when I did. I do regret that I didn’t go into breastfeeding more informed, especially given my situation, and that I didn’t quit when I saw the signs that it wasn’t working out.

What will I do if we have baby number two? I will be better prepared going in. And I will try very hard to not beat myself up if things do not go according to plan.

Hard-won wisdom

My advice for moms who are planning to breastfeed:

1. Have a plan and write it down.

You, too, may labor for 20 hours and be too loopy to remember your plans or stick to your guns. Make sure your birth partner and nurses have copies so they may help you fulfill your wishes.

2. Take a class

I took a childcare class that touched on breastfeeding, but I wish I’d taken a course dedicated to breastfeeding. Further, I wish I’d consulted a lactation specialist prior to giving birth. Armed with correct information, my experience might have been very different.

3. Have a back-up plan and be prepared to use it.

Have bottles at home, clean and ready for use. Know which brand of formula you want to use (polling your friends is always helpful!). Bring some formula and your bottles with you to the hospital. My hospital used pre-mixed formula that had a different flavor and consistency than the powdered formula we used at home (powdered is cheaper, too!). Your baby may have trouble with the transition. The same is true for bottle nipples; begin with the ones you plan to use at home.

4. Go easy on yourself.

Having a baby takes an enormous physical and mental toll. You don’t need the added stress of feeling guilty when things don’t go according to plan.

5. Know when to quit.

Whether you have trouble from the get-go as I did, or your milk supply begins to dwindle when you go back to work, know when to stop. It’s just another step in the ever-changing process of raising your child. Treat it as such.

 

Now living in St. Louis with her husband and toddler daughter, Stephanie Gurley-Thomas is a graduate of Drury University in Springfield, Missouri. She has over 13 years of experience in media relations, public relations, special events, and writing.

© Photo by Paul Hakimata | Dreamstime.com