There’s a lot we can do to help minimize the amount of stress in our children's lives. Since stress is inevitable, though, we also need to teach them how to cope on their own. Here are strategies to help with both goals.

by Gerald Dlubala 

Stress permeates every aspect of our society, and our children are not immune. School issues, peer pressure, and societal dangers are only the beginning. Children can be affected by family issues as well, including divorce, job loss or relocation, death in their family, and family members being sent to war. The list can go on and on.

Even when we are trying to protect our children from our own issues, they can and will hear discussions about our private concerns, such as family finances and parental concerns. This can lead them to worry about what is bothering their parents as well.

“A certain level of stress and worry is normal and healthy for children,” says Sally Souliere, M.S.W., L.I.C.S.W., psychotherapist and owner of Tapestry Psychotherapy in Fall River, Massachusetts. “When the stress turns to distress, and the child is unable to adapt to or becomes overwhelmed with life situations or responsibilities, that’s when it’s time to get involved.”

Parental involvement is crucial

There are several things a parent can do to help minimize the stress in a child’s life. Even more importantly, effective child parenting means teaching children how to cope with and handle stress so that they can make quality decisions in their daily lives as they mature into adulthood.

●  Watch out for over-scheduling. Athletics, extra educational classes, and after-school activities can eat up all of the child’s creative time. “Children need time to be children, meaning time to relax, to just do nothing if they want, or to figure how to pass the time when they are just being bored,” says Souliere.

●  Make time for physical activity. When you’re trimming your child’s extracurricular schedule, don’t eliminate physical activity. This is even more important because recess and traditional gym classes are being discontinued at many schools.

Team sports or family physical time such as walks, runs, bike rides, or just playing in the backyard are essential for a child’s mental well-being as well as physical health. Both team sports and free, informal playtime also help build important social skills, which will in turn help reduce the stress in social situations.

●  Don’t skimp on sleep and nutrition. Children need a minimum of eight hours of sleep, meaning they have to be able to turn off the electronics that can get in the way, such as computers and televisions in their bedrooms, iPods, and cell phones that lend themselves to constant texting. Cutting down on sugar, caffeine, and fast food is also recommended.

●  Keep family conversation flowing. Regular time to talk and discuss your child’s day in regards to school events, friend issues, and any family concerns can go a long way in heading off any stressful situations that are building within the child. Internalizing stress is a common cause of health problems.

“Toddlers and younger children need less detail in the explanations. Their main concern is that they are loved and will be safe,” says Souliere.

“Preteens and teenagers are full of definite feelings and opinions. It is important to help them feel their opinions are important and any concerns they may have need to be addressed. Whether you agree with, consider, or incorporate any of their thoughts and concerns, you should be sure to show them respect by clearly addressing each one.”

●  Prepare in advance for known stressors. Prepare your children for stressful moments that are coming up. Family issues such as relocation, school changes, and financial or budget issues, along with smaller issues such as doctor appointments and upcoming test dates, should be appropriately discussed in advance of the actual event. Helping children cope with the smaller issues will teach them the skills needed to cope with life’s bigger events.

●  Make your child responsible. “Most importantly,” says Souliere, “don’t deal with the problem for your children. Help them through it, guide them in the right direction, and let them get the satisfaction and build the confidence needed to cope with life’s uncertainties on their own.”

Even family issues over which children have no direct control can be made less stressful if you give your children some specific task to do to help out.

“Children want to help,” says Souliere, “and by giving them an age-appropriate task, they will feel as if they are helping Mom and Dad solve problems.”

American Academy of Pediatrics online programs

To help you teach your children how to cope with whatever life throws at them, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has come up with a four-step, self-paced program called A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience In Children And Teens:  Giving Your Child Roots And Wings. This will assist you to help your children identify and tackle their problem, take care of their body, and manage their emotions.

Also available is a matching, self-guided program for children to explore on their own and at their own pace.

Another helpful AAP resource is its article The 7 C’s of Resilience, which gives detailed tips on how parents can foster children’s competence, confidence, emotional connections, character, coping, control, and sense of making a contribution to the world as a better place.

For the most part, children will take life as it comes and make adjustments accordingly. A child’s reaction to change and the stress it brings will be based on how comfortable they are, and it’s the parent’s job to help them with that. Your attitude in times of stress can be a help or hindrance, and will directly feed your child’s response. Helping your children through life’s inevitable changes helps prepare them to be the independent and productive adults that we all hope for.

Read more on Parent USA City:

• "Stress Is Not Only an Adult Problem," by Gerald Dlubala – how to recognize the symptoms of serious stress in children 

 

A lifelong St. Louis resident, Gerald Dlubala has spent the last 15 years writing about topics including health and wellness, education, family matters, and the wonder, humor, and lessons of everyday life.

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