Today's technologies for being connected are so useful – but the more we email, text, and chat with each other, the more danger we run of forgetting common courtesy. Here are reminders for parents and children alike.

by Ryan Van Cleave

The boom in technology has certainly made the world a smaller, more connected place, and the benefits are truly amazing. But it's all coming at an unexpected cost—and I don't mean a financial one.

Odds are that you've probably been stuck in an elevator with someone speaking in excruciating detail about their recent date, doctor's visit, or night in jail. Or maybe you've witnessed a family of five out for dinner together, and everyone's staring at their own little cell phone screen, texting, surfing, gaming, or emailing instead of communicating with their loved ones? Or maybe Little Johnny got a birthday gift from Grandma and he just grunted and walked away because it wasn't the right size, color, or brand?

Parents, kids, women, men, students, teachers—we all seem to want to scurry ahead through life at a breakneck speed. That brisk pace sometimes means that we neglect our manners. Moving so fast, how on earth could we have the time to figure out the polite way to do something when so many other instant, albeit less polite, options come to mind?

In short, the more we email, text, and chat with each other, the less we seem concerned with what our grandparents might've called "etiquette" or "comportment."

How, then, do we bring back a little common decency and good behavior into our lives?

It starts with a few small choices that can make a big difference today. Here are eight easy ways to make Miss Manners proud again—both when you’re parenting children and minding your own manners.

1. Have a proper dinner now and then. This means cell phones off. No texting. No emails. No surfing the web on an iPhone. Practice the art of human, face-to-face conversation. Insist that the current speaker is allowed to finish before anyone else opens their mouths. And when it's time to eat, fire up those good table manners, too.

2. Practice patience, patience, patience. In this Age of Instant Everything, it's easy to get flustered by a slow-moving elderly person on a sidewalk, or an internet traffic jam that's stalling the YouTube video download. Take a deep breath and just wait. Cursing, yelling, or fuming isn't going to help at all.

3. RSVP. This comes from a French phrase—répondez, s’il vous plait—that basically means, "Don't show up without warning me first!" So don't attend unless ample warning is given. It's rude otherwise, and potentially worse, your hosts might not have enough spinach dip. If your children neglects to RSVP, consider making them skip the event. (This is not to be confused with "RSVP regrets only" which assumes guests are coming unless they contact the hosts to say that's not the case.)

4. Say "Thanks!" in person, or better yet, in writing. Actual handwriting. On a thank-you card (yes, they still do make these). While it's infinitely faster to bang out a quick "Tx! Ur g8!" text to someone for the birthday gift or Christmas card, it simply doesn't mean as much.

5. Don't ignore people. If someone's speaking, your child needs to put down the cell phone or Nintendo DS and listen. Equally important, listeners should look the speaker in the eye. Half of the time that young people seem like they're multi-tasking, they're really just going through the motions. And that includes listening to parents, teachers, or bosses.

6. Never break up with someone electronically. This means no "It's over, dude!" emails, or "we nd 2C oder ppl" texts. A phone call breakup is borderline okay, but the much more responsible, gentlemanly or ladylike thing is to deliver the sad news face-to-face.

7. Know when it's appropriate to be formal. Most emails don't even use a salutation ("Dear Jim") or closing ("all best wishes"). That's fine for contacting friends or family members, but teachers, employers, government officials, or members of the clergy? Absolutely not, even if that's the way they communicate with you. Formality is a sign of respect.

8. Enforce good manners with loved ones. That means adult children and spouses too. People might slip up from time to time, but a gentle reminder might mean the difference between getting back on track and becoming boorish and rude.

Thanks to social networking, cell phones, texting, emails, and other extremely useful technologies, we've all gotten a bit lazy with our basic commitment to manners. With a bit of effort, though, we can make our tiny part of the globe a little nicer, a little saner, and a lot more polite.

 

Ryan G. Van Cleave is the author of 16 books, including Unplugged: My Journey Into the Dark World of Video Game Addiction. He's also a frequent speaker on video game addiction, digital culture, social networking, and cyberbullying at conferences, businesses, and schools.I

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