What to Expect in the Freshman Year of College: Parent’s Guide
The first time a child leaves for college, it’s one of the biggest changes you’ve faced. Soften the shock with help from a mom who, along with her daughter, has written a unique book about the first year “from both sides.”
by Shannon Philpott
Packing up and shipping off a child to college is like the highs and lows of a rollercoaster ride. Emotions are high, excitement is building, and the unknown is thrilling and daunting at the same time.
The first year of college is filled with anxiety, fear, and excitement not only for incoming freshman but also their parents. Although the child is embarking upon the journey, parents are along for the ride, not sure how to brace themselves for the unknown.
What parents can expect the first year
Knowing what to expect can ease the bumps for the next nine months. According to Margo E. Bane Woodacre, M.S.W., who with her daughter, Steffany Bane, is co-author of I’ll Miss You Too, an off-to-college guide for parents and students, there are many surprising social and emotional dilemmas you’ll face when sending a child off to college.
● Expect an emotional breaking point. While trying to support and encourage her daughter’s excitement, Woodacre told Parent USA City that she struggled to find a balance between encouraging her daughter’s enthusiasm about college and curbing her own sadness.
“I knew that I was going to miss Steffany—that, I knew, was normal,” Woodacre said. “What I did not expect to feel was guilt—guilt for feeling sad. I did not want to rain on her parade.”
Woodacre advised that a simple “I miss you” is comforting for a child, whereas parental sadness becomes a burden (which is why she hid a lot of her emotions from her daughter the first year).
● Expect empty nest syndrome. Although many parents look forward to peace and quiet, many often find that the house is “too quiet” after a child leaves for college.
For Woodacre, the hardest part was passing by her daughter’s empty bedroom each day. “When I returned home from moving her in, I walked into her empty room, sat on her bed with a box of tissues, and cried.” Woodacre eventually shut her daughter’s bedroom door to help her adjust to the change and accept the fact that Steffany now had a “home away from home.”
● Expect to worry nonstop. “Once a mother, always a mother,” Woodacre said. Although miles may come between you and your freshman, know that worrying is a natural act, both near and far.
Although Woodacre and her daughter had a strong relationship with open communication, there were times when she would worry about her daughter’s safety. One instance occurred when Steffany had the flu and Woodacre could not be at her side to take care of her. “I worried all night. I felt helpless because I was so far away,” Woodacre said. “When I called her the next day, she said she was fine, unaware that I was still worrying.”
What may seem like a “big deal” to parents often blows over quickly for young adults, Woodacre said. Still, the worry continues. “It’s a mother thing.”
● Expect to let go. Parents are parents for life, yet there is a time when children no longer need to depend on us continuously and our parenting styles must change. Learning to let go is one of the hardest feats we face.
According to Ann Losoff, Ph.D., staff psychologist at Southern Illinois University–Edwardsville’s Counseling Center, students need to find a healthy balance between home and school. “It is important to stay connected with home because it is your security, but students should not be so dependent on home that they can not adjust to the new environment.”
Woodacre agreed. “You don’t want to be the helicopter parent, calling your child several times a day. I learned to step back; otherwise your child doesn’t get to experience independence.”
Woodacre suggested designating a time to communicate via phone that is convenient for both the parent and the college student. “Make it your special time,” Woodacre said.
● Expect growth and change. College is a social, academic, and emotional journey for both parent and child, and every college freshman is growing and maturing by obtaining independence.
“If you are expecting them to return home the same person, they will not,” Woodacre said. “I found that while on campus, my daughter was the leader and I was the follower. It was a nice feeling and gave me a sense of pride.”
Shannon Philpott is a writer/reporter with 10-plus years of experience, and a college journalism instructor. She maintains a blog about writing, reflecting, and teaching at shannonphilpott.com.
© Photo by Andres Rodriguez | Dreamstime.comYour kids—boys and girls alike—express a desire to cook from a very early age, likely without your even realizing it. They make mud pies in the sandbox, play with child-sized cooking sets, and organize kitchens in doll houses or play areas, and they probably inquire about what you’re cooking from the time they begin to communicate.
Kids Cooking Activities offers up reasons why you should encourage cooking activities with your kids. (Set up link at underlining to http://www.kids-cooking-activities.com)
* Cooking with your children helps them to learn about nutrition and healthy eating.
* Cooking in the kitchen will give children a boost of self confidence. They are accomplishing a task, learning something important, and contributing to the family.
* Taking time to cook with your kids will give them lasting memories. They will pass the traditions on when they are grown and have their own families.
* In the enthusiasm of creating something themselves, your children will be more likely to eat what they had a hand in making.
* Kids learn real lessons in science, language, math, and creativity in the kitchen. Cooking will help reinforce all these subjects.
* Cooking is a great way to learn life skills. This is especially helpful when children are older and more independent. They won't have to rely on fast food and junk food to sustain them.
* Working together in the kitchen teaches your child teamwork.
* Cooking teaches children planning and making choices skills.
* Kids practice creativity and imagination in the kitchen. Cooking activities are a great way for kids to express themselves and enjoy their creations.
It may take longer to get the meal or snack done, but the moments with your children will be priceless. Remember to have patience. Don't worry about flour on the floor or spilled milk.
A role model for cooking with kids
Cooking With Kids, a series of 90-second videos, is hosted by James Beard Award-winning chef John Sarich. Development of the program was inspired by the reality of childhood obesity, anorexia and other eating disorders, Type II Diabetes, and low bone density, which have all become national issues. Cooking With Kids encourages parents and children to spend time in the kitchen together preparing healthy meals in ways that improve communication and help children develop healthy nutritional habits. (Set up link at underlining to http://www.cookingwithkids.org/fact.html)
The program shows how easy it is for kids to prepare snacks and meals that taste good and that are good for them. It uses the five food groups as a platform for nutrition messages. You can watch the videos with your children through the website, then print out the recipe and go try it yourselves.
The recipes that Sarich prepares with kids on the segments teach them which categories on the United States Department of Agriculture’s Food Pyramid are included in the recipe. He explains how vegetable burritos, for example, include foods that have protein, fiber and dairy, and that the burritos are low in fat.
Good cooking habits
Spatulatta provides 350 step-by-step videos that teach kids good cooking habits, and offers advice for moms, dads and kids on numerous issues related to cooking with kids. It emphasizes topics like teaching kids to wash their hands properly before handling food. (Set up link at underlining to http://www.spatulatta.com)
When it comes to working in the kitchen, you know your children. You know what abilities they have and how fine their motor skills are. Some children are ready to handle a certain kitchen utensil or work at the stove earlier than others. It’s up to you to make that determination.
You set the rules in your kitchen, such as you will always light the burners and oven for your children.
Go over the workings of every electrical appliance with your child. Explain that the beaters, for example, should be inserted into a hand mixer before the mixer is plugged in.
Safety and courtesy are behaviors that need to be re-enforced and modeled.
Once you've explained how to handle an item safely, try asking your child to tell you how to do it the next time the task is required when making a recipe. We all learn best when we try to teach.
CREDIT:
Christina DiMartino has been a freelance and assignment writer since 1985. She is a researcher, interviewer, writer, editor, and manuscript collaborator with a repertoire of clients from around the world.
PHOTO / ILLUSTRATION RECOMMENDATIONS:
Go to http://www.cookingwithkids.org
TEASER:
Cooking with your kids does much more than produce tasty treats! It teaches teamwork, safety, courtesy, math, science, and more, and encourages creativity and imagination. And there are some terrific online videos that will help you get started.
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